I’m an Enneagram Type 2 (Helper).
While I don’t (fully) believe in behavioral/personality assessments, I think they have some value (all models are wrong, some are helpful?). After getting my results, I read The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective by Richard Rohr, which proved this true.
He shared much wisdom, but one thing that stood out was the power that pride had on me. It is the trait shown by two’s when unhealthy.
In Russ Hudson’s words, “The root sin of the TWO is pride, not in the sense of showing off, but pride as a kind of false humility.” Pride keeps them from seeing their own needs. TWOs need to be needed. For this reason they are easy to manipulate. As soon as they hear the little word “need,” they scrape together the last remnant of their energy to rush to help you. (Type Two: The Need to Be Needed by Richard Rohr)
I never even knew this kind of pride existed. I thought pride only existed as a Ric Flair-type ego. I looked back at my life (or last week) and saw it everywhere. This subtle and subversive force was frequently to blame for suffering in my life. I just never had a name for it…until now.
I also see how needing to be loved (seen/heard) has made me an easy target for people to take advantage of me. And how this leads me to help others to receive that same love back.
I love how Richard paints the positive of Type 2’s:
“TWOs long to be loved, to love with their whole hearts, and to be allowed to live for their beloved. They sacrifice themselves for the welfare of others. They are benefactors, givers, and helpers. They give others precisely what they want for themselves. Their seeming altruism is a “legitimate” form of indulging their own egoism.” (Type Two: The Need to Be Needed by Richard Rohr)
That last part…
Ego is something I now see I’ve been indulging in. The arrogance to think I can have strength for two. To think I can help a few people put their air masks on before I strap mine on. The pride to believe I’m that strong/smart/stable.
Now aware of my root sin, let’s look at the gift that you and I can have when we overcome pride:
The gift of TWOs is genuine humility, the reverse of pride. When TWOs reach the point where they recognize their real motives (“I give so I can get”), they may cry for days. When a TWO can finally cry tears of self-knowledge, redemption (healing) is near. At such moments, TWOs realize that they have perhaps damaged and injured other people while supposedly “wanting the best for them.” This is deeply humiliating. (Type Two: The Need to Be Needed by Richard Rohr)
Only through seeing that I help others so I can feel needed, can I begin to form healthier habits to deal with that. How to be helpful while realizing I’m gaining much from the process. And to not allow pride (the illusion that I’m innocently helping) make me stumble.
Also to work through the need to be needed…
Whether through therapy, meditation, self-love? I know I can do a better job of loving me for who I am. Of developing an ability to get my need filled from another source.
TWOs are redeemed from themselves the more they experience God as the real lover and realize that their puny love can only consist in sharing in God’s infinite love. This insight leads through a moment of deep shame to genuine humility. (Type Two: The Need to Be Needed by Richard Rohr)
For me, one of the main ways is through knowing that I am specially loved and chosen by a beautiful and loving God. Richard does a wonderful job showing that this is the pillar to genuine humility.
I like the way Hudson says it: “Real humility is a reflection of God’s grace for us. It is allowing the holding of our own human limitation and being utterly gentle, compassionate, and real about that.” Redeemed TWOs deeply and profoundly know their innate value and preciousness and so don’t need to be continually affirmed from the outside. They are finally free. As I’ve shared before, most problems are psychological and most solutions are spiritual. (Type Two: The Need to Be Needed by Richard Rohr)