"We can't read your mind. You need to share these things with us."
Someone on my team said this. It hit differently.
And it is something I've struggled with for a bit. But it has only become more apparent recently.
I suck at sharing things, whether that be self-promotion or sharing events happening.
I prefer to remain in my shell (and hide).
While I realize there are "oversharers" and those who self-promo too aggressively. I fall too far on the other end of the spectrum. I rarely share and shy away from fully exposing the happenings in my life. For what reason?
I think I need a therapist to uncover that.
But, like with most difficult things in my life, writing is a form of therapy. It allows me to uncover deeper truths and move forward, and I plan to do that here.
Let's begin with the benefits of sharing. First, it makes it so others don't need to read your mind.
When you share (communicate), you allow others to see your thinking (inner workings). Whether it's where you're spending your Saturday or how you feel about a team decision. It also allows for connection (around the "thing" you share and who you "truly" are).
It's hard for someone to connect with you if you never share anything.
You also allow others to step into your life and help. Whether it's to support a cause you care for or provide helpful feedback. All this is only possible if you make the effort to share.
So, why would someone choose not to share (like me)? What are the benefits (real or not) of under-sharing?
When you don't share, you're hiding. And hiding is a great feeling.
You feel as if you're an 8-year-old again, winning hide-and-seek. If no one can find you (connect and locate you as a unique person), you're winning. The truth is, it's the quickest way to lose (emotionally). Yet, feeling alone can be a hell of a drug.
It's exhilarating at first, but it isolates you, and slowly, you become addicted to the thing that is killing you (being alone).
It also insulates you from insult or erosion of your character. You remain neutral when people know less about you and have fewer things to react to. You don't piss others off, but you also gain little affinity.
This helps you feel safe. You are hiding from the world so the world can't hurt you.